Stay-At-Home-Dad: What you think, may not be what it appears.
My Husband is a stay at home Dad. Are you shaking your head? Most likely. This term can be regarded as a positive thing, unfortunately though most times it rattles people even infuriates them. ” How do you let her be the breadwinner” gets thrown around ALOT.
This is not how it has always been in our household, I worked; my husband worked. We never seen each other let alone our children but for a mere 3 hours in the evening if luck was on our side. All while spending $420 per week on childcare, while someone else raised our children. I unconsciously would drop my girls off every morning and watch my youngest cling to me sobbing mommy don’t go. If your a mother, you know how this feels; and then move onto work and worry about them until it is time to go pick them up. With relieved little faces for another day is done, and my worrying is done for another day.
My husband was laid off and about a week into him being laid off, as I was doing the morning ritual of drop the girls off and off to work I go. It hit me like a tonne of bricks all at once. Why are they there? My husband is home laid off and no idea of an expected return date. We talked about it and the decision was made, the children were ecstatic, no more babysitter, no more “cant play outside, other kids are napping”. I finally had piece of mind on my way to work I wasn’t filled with anxiety , and noticed the gorgeous view on the commute.
What we weren’t prepared for was the rude/snide/offensive/ jaw-dropping looks and remarks that were to be made; every time we were asked ” what daycare does your child go to? ” What does your Husband do?” HATRED! filled these people. Why?
Why? Well I’m still a little unsure of this, ( expect the hundreds of years of being told that’s not right) however I will try and clear up some questions we have been asked regarding my stay at home Dad/Husband.
Q: What does your husband do?
A: He looks after our children/home.
Q: Do you think he RESPECTS you, if he just lets you go be the ‘Breadwinner”?
A: Just a sec, while I pick my jaw off the floor at your deplorable statement! YES,YES he does Respect me! He respects me maybe more than your 50 hour a week zombified husband who comes home eats, showers, says hi to the kids as he lays and watches tv because that’s normal? does. But hey who am I to say Right? I’m not!
Q: Has he found a job yet?
A: No. was he supposed to be looking?
These are just a sample over the last while, some I just shake my head at your questions and remarks. My still all time favorite statement “He’s just lazy”. Most times I do not give you my time when you have countlessly spouted this toxic bile like it is no ones business high atop your golden horse. Are you ready for the answer? are you really? Lets see the ways my Husband/ stay at home Dad is lazy.
WAYS MY HUSBAND/STAY AT HOME DAD IS LAZY. A DAY IN THE LIFE.
- He wakes up makes the girls breakfast.
- Puts laundry for the whole family on.
- Cleans the breakfast dishes.
- Makes sure they brush their teeth.
- Time to get dressed, go for a walk.
- Put laundry in the dryer
- Sweep/mop the floors
- Now time for Lunch
- Do dishes from lunch
- Fold Laundry/Put away laundry
- Play the lets learn how to spell your name game, with a child that has no interest.
- Go outside and play/ crafts, if its raining.
- fix anything that our old farmhouse is bellowing needs done.
- Contemplate what to cook for everyone
- Cook the meal
- Greet me with a smile when I arrive home from work.
Now that we have covered all the ways he’s lazy( I’m sure I have forgotten things as well) like kiss boo boos, retrieve the oldest from the tree she wont stop climbing, teach our youngest how to ride her bike. This was never his decision, it was my idea and jointly talked about before being put in motion. Women fought for the right to Vote, to work outside the home, all of which had a stigma attached for many years. Why do you pick on stay at home Dads? What is the real deep down burning reason you have for this? Jealousy? resentment?
” the World would be a boring place if we all did and thought the same”
– my Dad
The rise of stay at home Dads is on upon us, whatever the reason may be for the decision. I support you! There are memes everywhere on social media of how hard stay at home moms work. Let me say my stay at home Dad/Husband does all the same He is not a Wuss/degenerate/taking the easy way, he is a mans man. Really takes a Man to stand-up and say proudly I stay home with my children.
It is rewarding to hear the father actually took part in the little moments, that so many dads miss out on. This is the time of new conditioning, why can we not move from the dark ages and say Thank you? Thank you!
I am thankful because now I return from work and see happy/ smiling faces, not like picking them up from daycare and them acting like they were just released on parole. They are anxious to show me what they have done that day. My husband waits with a smiling face and a kiss. Everyday is not filled with rainbows and unicorns but it is with love and the love of a parent. I do not condemn if your child does go to daycare, I do not condemn if your child stays home with either parent. I grew up with my grandparents while both parents worked more than full time, and knowing they were tired and just going through the motions to make me happy. I appreciate all of it, and all of you. Everyone is just trying their best. We all stumble/fall and get back up that is just Human nature. Next time before just spouting what your opinion is with your wagging finger. Remember they are working just as hard as us who go to work and as hard or not harder than stay at home moms with the playgroup.
Stay at home Dads, I commend you, my husband commends you. The wives who bravely say” my husband stays home with our kids” may you find strength when these wagging fingers come out.